MTV's The Real World

(U-WIRE) WASHINGTON -- Nothing can sell a show like a hot tub and a lesbian nudist -- it's one great marketing campaign. To even the casual MTV viewer, this year's real world cast has been painted as one of the horniest ever, with a barrage of ads featuring hookups of every sort. Well, we're off -- it has officially begun. A new group of seven has hit the airwaves, this time taking residence in the windy city of Chicago.
The irony, of course, is that the cast has become so predictable that MTV's world is anything but real. It more resembles The Truman Show with its cookie-cutter cast than any random group of strangers. Perhaps the least predictable parts of this year's cast are that the black guy's name isn't David and the number of gay people has doubled.

Speaking of the cast, it's like they can't hire fat ugly people. Even this year's largest girl, Aneesa, (who, by the way, is not even fat) fits into the same typecast role as Sharon from London and Heather from New York I. It's like if there's going to be an non-stick-figured person, it has to be a black woman.

Aneesa, however, is not the only garden variety Real World cast member. Let's talk about Theo, the resident black male. I'm not one to judge, but he seems to have the same chip on his shoulder as did David from New Orleans. It's as if he's got something to prove. His anti-gay confrontation with Aneesa in the show's opening minutes and his subsequent defense of his position is fairly unbelievable. If gay people really bother him that much, why did he agree to do the show? Has he never seen a single episode before?

Four seasons ago, one of Georgetown's own appeared in Real World Seattle. Irene, the curly-haired brunette that got slapped, has even subsequently spoken on campus about her role on the Real World (BYU Julie from New Orleans will do the same next Wednesday).

But you won't find any curly-haired brunettes in this year's cast. Rather, you'll find three hot skinny blondes, one of whom is a self-described alcoholic.

Don't get me wrong -- I fully appreciate hot, skinny blonde girls. I only mean to say that the ratio of hot skinny blonde girls to non-hot skinny blond girls in Real World Chicago's cast is a little out of sync with reality. It's just that there are so many hot skinny blonde girls on the cast, I can't even remember which one did or said what.

The remaining cast members are white males, one of whom -- Chris -- is gay and a recovering alcoholic. The other, Kyle, will likely be the easiest to hate.

At one point during the show, all seven cast members hop in the jacuzzi to share what's so unique about themselves. As it turns out, Kyle is the "smart" one, having graduated from Princeton. After eleven seasons, it's become obvious that there's at least one person from a U.S. News & World Report top 25 school every year; that's the role he's supposed to fill. Yet, he describes himself as the "typical American guy." Turns out, he played football, and apparently was pretty good at it. Good enough to play for a second rate program, at any rate. He later gave up football to "find himself" through theater.

Does anybody remember Oz from American Pie? Nice try, but that move's been tried before. After one episode, Kyle already has a crush on one of the hot skinny blonde girls, though I couldn't tell you which one. Then again, maybe it was all three.

The sauciest roommate dynamic exists between Theo and Aneesa. Despite their early rockiness, the two were practically making babies on the dance floor at the club. Perhaps that Theo led to believe he had a chance with Aneesa, since earlier she declared that maybe one day some guy could make her straight. After returning from the club, Theo is taking a shower in the dual-shower-head set-up, and Aneesa decides it's time for her shower as well. Thinking this is his chance, Theo seizes the opportunity and tries to get lucky.

"This is why I don't like men," she declares.

The episode ends with Theo writing her a love note and the two sleeping in the same bed -- clothes nowhere to be found. Nothing happens.

I'll be honest: I'm rooting for Theo. I have a feeling that Aneesa has given up men for good, based on the fact that she and Chris share the feature in this month's Out Magazine. But she left that glimmer of hope, that window of opportunity for him.

Four months is a long time.

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